The real reason why Americans can't pay their mortgages

I'd give it ten minutes if I were you....

I have never been so humiliated...

OK - so there's a global crisis on the financial markets brought about by Americans defaulting on their sub-prime mortgages.

So I started to wonder why it is that Americans aren't paying up. Is the US economy so bad that people can't afford a roof over their head any more? Is unemployment at an all time high? Have interest rates gone through the roof?

I'd like to propose another theory. (And bear with me here, Viners, because I consider myself an expert on American consumer spending, having once spent a four hour delay on a United flight with the In-Flight catalogue for company....)

It's because Americans spend all their money on crap.

One flick through the Skymall brochure told me that yours is a nation in trouble.

American golfers can no longer enjoy their hobby without first acquiring the Laser Guided Putting Trainer and the Bionic Golf Glove (it's known as cheating actually, guys).

Nobody can invite the neighbours to their patio unless the deck is lit with the Rechargable Tea Candle Set and the Windchill Misting Fan is blowing. And why bother swimming in the pool, now you can have a Motorized Pool Lounger.

But it's the nations pets who are the real victims of American consumerism. It seems that nowadays every American cat needs its own decorative litter tray.... sorry, personal feline bathroom...

Dogs no longer seem to go walkies... they are furnished with a variety of transport forms which save them the arduous task of putting one foot in front of the other.

And of course the need for human to interact with pet has been removed anyway, thanks to the totally essential automatic pet feeders.

But all of these items, which seem to be so essential to the modern American lifestyle, come at a price.

The Inflatable Movie Screen alone will set you back $249.99, and you can't even get a Laser Guided Pool Cue for less than $59,95.

Is it any wonder, with all this kitsch to buy, that Americans can't afford to pay the mortgage any more?

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